When Relationships Become Difficult
Relationships are one of God's greatest gifts, but they can also become places of deep struggle.
Marriage, family relationships, friendships, and other close relationships bring together people with different desires, expectations, habits, weaknesses, and histories. Misunderstandings arise. Words wound. Expectations go unmet. Communication breaks down. Sin affects the way we relate to one another.
When conflict continues, it can become easy to focus primarily on the other person.
“If only they would listen.”
“If only they would change.”
“If only they understood how much they have hurt me.”
Sometimes another person truly does need to change. Scripture never requires us to pretend that sin is insignificant or that harmful behavior should simply be overlooked.
But God's Word also calls each of us to examine our own hearts before The Lord.
Biblical change begins when we become willing to ask not only, “What is this person doing?” but also, “How is God calling me to respond?”
What Scripture Helps Us Understand
Relationships often reveal what is already taking place within the heart.
We may desire love, respect, affection, understanding, appreciation, agreement, companionship, help, or consideration. Many of these desires are good.
But good desires can become ruling desires.
When something we strongly desire becomes something we believe another person must provide, disappointment can quickly become anger, resentment, manipulation, withdrawal, harshness, or hopelessness.
Scripture calls us to something different.
Rather than making another person's behavior the determining factor in how we respond, we are called to live first and foremost before The Lord.
That means learning to speak truth in love, listen carefully, confess our own sin, forgive biblically, serve without manipulation, pursue peace where possible, and respond faithfully even when another person is not responding as we would like.
In marriage, Scripture gives husbands and wives particular responsibilities before God. Biblical marriage is not ultimately built upon two people successfully meeting all of one another's expectations. It is shaped by two sinners learning to love, serve, repent, forgive, and increasingly reflect Christ within the covenant God has established.
This does not mean every relationship problem can be solved by one person.
Reconciliation requires the participation of both people, and serious patterns of sin may require wise counsel, accountability, and appropriate help.
But regardless of another person's choices, we can ask:
“How can I honor Christ in the way I respond?”
Questions to Consider
- What relationship is weighing most heavily on my heart right now?
- What do I most want from this person?
- What expectations am I bringing into this relationship?
- How do I typically respond when those expectations are not met?
- Am I more aware of the other person's failures than my own?
- Are there sins I need to confess without adding an explanation of what the other person did first?
- Am I listening in order to understand, or primarily preparing my response?
- Is there bitterness, resentment, fear, or a desire for control influencing the way I relate to this person?
- What would faithfulness to Christ look like in this relationship today?
These questions do not make you responsible for another person's choices. They help you consider the part of the relationship for which you are responsible before The Lord.
Scripture to Consider
James 4:1–3
Conflict often reveals desires within our hearts that have begun to rule us.
Philippians 2:3–5
Believers are called to humility and to consider the interests of others, following the example of Christ.
Ephesians 4:25–32
God's Word addresses truthful speech, anger, harmful words, kindness, compassion, and forgiveness within relationships.
Ephesians 5:22–33
God's design for marriage points husbands and wives toward responsibilities that ultimately reflect Christ and His church.
Colossians 3:12–14
Compassion, kindness, humility, patience, forgiveness, and love should increasingly characterize God's people.
Matthew 7:3–5
Jesus calls us to examine our own sin before concentrating on the faults of another.
Romans 12:18
As far as it depends upon us, we are called to pursue peace with others.
A Simple Next Step
Think about one relationship that has been difficult recently.
Instead of beginning with a list of everything the other person needs to change, prayerfully ask:
- What is happening in my own heart?
- What am I wanting or expecting from this person?
- How have I been responding when I don't receive it?
- Is there anything I need to confess to God or to the other person?
- What would a Christlike response look like in the next conversation I have with them?
Choose one passage from the list above and allow God's Word to shape that next response.
You may not be able to change the other person or resolve the entire relationship today.
But by God's grace, you can seek to honor Christ in the part He has entrusted to you.
When You Would Like Someone to Walk Alongside You
Relationship struggles can become complicated, especially when patterns of conflict have developed over months or years.
Biblical counseling provides a place to slow down, understand what is happening within the relationship and the heart, and seek wisdom from Scripture for responding faithfully.
For married couples, biblical counseling can also help husbands and wives examine patterns of communication and conflict, understand their individual responsibilities before The Lord, address sin biblically, and pursue greater unity in Christ.
If marriage or relationship struggles have left you discouraged or unsure how to move forward, I would be honored to walk alongside you as you seek wisdom, heart change, and Christlike responses through God's Word.
Biblical. Compassionate. Christ-Centered.
You don't have to walk alone. I'm here to help you take root in truth and grow in lasting fruit.
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